When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Moving on (again)

I suppose it was unrealistic of me to assume that I could just go quietly into the night. I think I owe everyone an explanation, so here's the best I can manage.

When I set my goal of having all of the content cleared by patch 3.1, I did so for a couple of reasons. I really wanted to find out what I was capable of as a raid leader, and what we were capable of as a guild. I think I understand now very clearly where we sit.

What a lot of people didn't see (and for good reason) is a lot of the political schtuff and discussions that go on behind the scenes as the officers tired to hash out our vision for what we want the guild to be and what we want to do to get there. I think the vision we settled on as you see on the front page of the web site is a good start. It's also not really mine.

I had this misguided notion that I somehow had to "save" the guild. It felt good for me to come back, lead raids, and be the hero, just as I'm sure you all enjoyed the progress we made. In exchange for feel good vibes I was getting from everyone, I was spending hours a day at work doing Warcraft junk. Coming home, eating dinner with the family, putting the kids to bed, and leading a raid. And at the end of the night, in the space of a minute, we go from 30 people online to 10. To me, it looked like raiding was becoming just another job for everyone else. But still, I had to "save" the guild.

Here's another thing you might have figured out about me, in that I'm a perfectionist, a control freak, and sometimes a real asshole. That's why I asked Russokowski to hand over the GM to me. To his credit, he actually thought about it. If the roles had been reversed, I probably would not have been so kind. This is probably for the best, because in addition to being a perfectionist control freak asshole I frequently obsess on something for weeks, months, sometimes years at a time, and right now I am/was obsessing on raiding. I really, really want to build a top-10 raiding guild. I don't think CdC is the vehicle for that, despite my efforts to the contrary, and I think that's fine. Why go out of my way to ruin something that is working perfectly well for the majority of people?

So we have two trains colliding in the night- I'm effectively running a guild that my ego demands I formally run, and at the same time I'm recognizing that I might be running the guild, and my friends, right into a brick wall by going someplace no one but me wants to go. I think I finally just kind of snapped, as I was spending too much of my time getting too invested in something which I did not feel I had ultimate control over. I don't think it's good or bad, but that's what happened.

If I keep playing, I'm probably going to transfer servers-- I'm eyeing up Kel Thuzad right now. I'll post here if I do go. For right now though, I'm just kind of not doing anything for a bit. Burned out at the finish line, I guess. If I change servers and I can find a guild that is doing what I want to do, then I'll be happy to sit back and let someone else drive. If not, then who knows, maybe guild version 3.0.

So since this is the good bye post I should have written this afternoon, here are my good-byes.

Russokowski- you are more of than man than most give you credit for. She's now officially all yours, good luck.
Alorial- You are a natural leader, don't fight your inner asshole :-)
Ballarias- Take care of Alorial ;-) I always thought that you were the one to persuade when something hard came up.
Tlaz and Syphax - I miss you guys already. Enjoy PR and Syphax get a damn facebook account already!
Savaric- It was truly a pleasure working with you and learning from you. You have always had my respect and admiration.
Roselin- I would have asked you to have my bebes, but you have at least 27 of your own to worry about ;-). Also, whack Sav on the back of the head after you read this, just for me :-)
Fethir- Sorry I let you down, boss. You were a diamond in the rough, and glad to have you.
Vahra- if you can not die on Frogger once, you can not die every time :-)
Mythu & Petitpeur- you guys always knew how to keep it light, thanks for that.
Catria- Your timing is impeccable ;-) It was fun getting to know you.
Tyr - I enjoyed our breakfast chats immensely :-)
Kalivan- I don't think I ever gave you enough credit, you're an excellent tank.
Gunthe- keep the ret alive, brotha!
Trianne- I left a big bag of catfood with Gunthe. He can handle all of your pet-taming needs ;-)
Rox- Sorry I never caught up to you, but it wasn't for the lack of trying.

If I haven't mentioned you by name, it's because I'm shitty at things like this.

God speed.